If your goal is purity of heart, be prepared to be thought very odd.
My 2018 has started with some great questions from some of you guys, and it's been so great speaking with you. Just over a week ago, one of you sent me a direct message on my Instagram handle @its_mama_tito. This was the question:
"What is your view on sexual purity in a christian dating relationship?".
Sigh! I don't know where time went and I became the adult who is asked these questions, LOL; and on this particular issue...aiyaiyai. But I genuinely believe that coming second right after understanding right doctrine on salvation, is sexual purity.
Many of you reading this spent your teenage years in church circles. You went for the church camps, attended the sexual purity conferences, made your 'True Love Waits' pledges, and you wore the WWJD rubber wrist bands. You sat around camp fires and asked, 'How far is too far' and 'what are the right sexual boundaries'. There really wasn't anywhere else to meet people your own age, so you went to church. It was the one place your parents didn't stalk your every move. The girls could sit together and giggle about boys; the boys could sit together and check the girls out. You all started getting girlfriends and boyfriends. Adolescence was peaking and your hormones were causing you to boil from the inside. Very quickly, what you were trying so hard to understand, to believe, and to live out, was in serious opposition to what your bodies were craving. And the slippery slope began. The lone thread slowly but surely unraveled the garment of faith, and some of you were lost.
There is no greater agony, than bearing an untold story inside you.
It has been six weeks since my last post. I sat at my dining table and wrote about those-we-have-not-yet-seen.html while I lovingly put a hand over my womb, carrying a new life that the world did not yet know about. That blog post was bittersweet, because it had rubbed raw the memories of the loss of our second baby. It was also healing to be able to feel the joy of a new baby inside me; this would be our fourth.
Two weeks after that Monday morning that I posted here, we went in for our first ultrasound.
My people, hello.
I've been quiet due to laptop issues, and what I guess was writer's block. January is just tough eh? And what is with this Nairobi heat? And dust, everywhere? Sigh. We are where we are, rejoice in all things.
So. You've heard it said; you felt it yourself. It's all fun and games until the jeans don't fit anymore. The memory Facebook sent me yesterday was a picture from three years ago. It was five months after I had given birth to our son, and I was holding up a skipping rope, starting the journey back to my pre-pregnancy weight. If you've been keeping up with the posts, you know my efforts have been curtailed by various blindsides. I found it ironic that I logged onto Facebook and saw the picture right after my workout yesterday. I'm in the exact same situation again, working to shed the baby weight after a second delivery.
I got serious about this in October last year, got 10kg off by New Years. The wheels came off in December though. I think we had four or five barbeques at our house in that one month. Then there was the family Christmas party. There was our wedding anniversary holiday. There was my husband's birthday cake. And then my mom's birthday cake. Let's not forget the takeout!
Keeping it short today.
In December, we remember.
We remember our wedding day. God has blessed us with 5 beautiful years now.
Our vows have been lived out in reverse. The worse came before the better. The poorer came before the richer. The sickness came before the health. Yet G0d has sustained our marriage, filling it with His peace and joy.
We remember our son, whom we never got to meet. He would have turned two this month. The grief, I'm not sure it will ever go. It feels like a tattoo on our hearts. But our experience of it changes slowly. This year I found myself grateful.
Grateful that the good Lord showed us great kindness in giving us a child. A child with eternity written on his heart, who I shall see and live with forever on that great day.
Grateful that He walked me through the valley of the shadow of death, bringing me safe into the light of His truth once again.
Grateful for the unspeakable love that grew between Bryan and I as we navigated the dark and frigid waters of grief.
I am most grateful for the deep knowledge of my Saviour that I now have. Nothing opens the eyes of your heart to the majesty, sovereignity and great love of God, like suffering does. I would never give this up, not for a moment.
In December we remember God becoming man. I have been speechless this year trying to thank God for His Son Jesus and His great sacrifice on the Cross, dying the death I deserved to die and ressurecting so that I may live in His ressurection, for all eternity with Him.
It's been a beautiful month for my husband as well, having being recognized as one of the top 40 under 40 businessmen in East Africa, two weeks before his 30th birthday. And finally, he joins me in the 30's...I've endured his cradle snatcher jokes for too long, LOL.
Happy Holidays guysThank you for the gift you have given me this year, reading what I write, sharing oyur experiences with me, and becoming my friends.
No longer will there be a curse upon anything. For the throne of God and of the Lamb will be there, and his servants will worship him. 4 And they will see his face, and his name will be written on their foreheads.5 And there will be no night there—no need for lamps or sun—for the Lord God will shine on them. And they will reign forever and ever.
Here's some of our wedding pictures 5 years ago.
(might need to copy-paste into your searchbar if it doesn't come up as a link.)
This weekend was a busy one for us. We hosted three sets of guests in two days. That doesn't happen around here. With my three year hiatus from the world in general, this was a big deal. I willingly invited these people over, served them drinks, and food, had long conversations remaining engaged the entire time. I wasn't buried in the avalanche of anxiety . I didn't have a blinding migraine. I didn't break down crying in the bathroom from overwhwelming stress. I genuinely had a fantastic time with our friends. When we shut the front door for the final time on Saturday evening, Bryan and I collapsed onto the couch in a heap. He cupped my face and said, "Well done my girl, you were amazing."
Christian, wife, mom, doctor, and an alien on earth, on my way to the city of God.