If your goal is purity of heart, be prepared to be thought very odd.
My 2018 has started with some great questions from some of you guys, and it's been so great speaking with you. Just over a week ago, one of you sent me a direct message on my Instagram handle @its_mama_tito. This was the question:
"What is your view on sexual purity in a christian dating relationship?".
Sigh! I don't know where time went and I became the adult who is asked these questions, LOL; and on this particular issue...aiyaiyai. But I genuinely believe that coming second right after understanding right doctrine on salvation, is sexual purity.
Many of you reading this spent your teenage years in church circles. You went for the church camps, attended the sexual purity conferences, made your 'True Love Waits' pledges, and you wore the WWJD rubber wrist bands. You sat around camp fires and asked, 'How far is too far' and 'what are the right sexual boundaries'. There really wasn't anywhere else to meet people your own age, so you went to church. It was the one place your parents didn't stalk your every move. The girls could sit together and giggle about boys; the boys could sit together and check the girls out. You all started getting girlfriends and boyfriends. Adolescence was peaking and your hormones were causing you to boil from the inside. Very quickly, what you were trying so hard to understand, to believe, and to live out, was in serious opposition to what your bodies were craving. And the slippery slope began. The lone thread slowly but surely unraveled the garment of faith, and some of you were lost.
You have stolen my heart, my sister, my bride; you have stolen my heart with one glance of your eyes...
Song of Solomon 4:9
He called me two weeks later. I'd swiftly moved on; laughed about it with my roommate, and went on with my life. One Friday afternoon I was walking out of church from some kind of meeting, when my phone rang. I didn't recognize the number.
"Hi Wambui. It's Bryan."
*heart skips a beat*
"Bryan, Hi..." *please don't sound too eager Wambui.*
"Are you free tomorrow?'
*mouth open, no sound coming out*
"I was wondering if you were interested in running the Mater Dettol Heart Run tomorrow?" (I worked at Mater Hospital so he was counting on staff attendance being mandatory. In truth, my boss had strongly advised those not on call to go and run, but I wasn't about to tell him that!).
I'm just going take a deep breath and start this series. It's one I begin reluctantly because of many reasons.
The first and most important is that marriage is a sacred institution; God alone is it's architect. Please pray for me that I'll approach my articles in all humility and brokenness. I'm going to need His wisdom with every word I type. The last thing I would want is to give you misconceptions of what marriage is, and have you misunderstand God's purposes for the union between a man and his wife.
The second reason is that I've only been married five years. That's a drop in the ocean right? What do I know? Not much at all to be honest, but the trials we have endured together (which you can read about in the first four posts on the blog September-October 2016), gave us quite the crash course in sticking together in the face of grief, uncertainty and mental disease among other issues that I'll be writing about in the series. It's been ridiculously more than we had expected to happen in the first few years together.
The third reason is that I worry about making this about myself. Sounds confusing because, yes, it will be about my husband and I, but let me explain. In the few months I've been writing here at The Orchid Blooms, my life has changes somewhat. A lot of people that I don't know personally, now know my name. I get messages from people thanking me for sharing our story because they completely relate; some gushing about me and my 'perfect' family, and it's like walking a tight rope for me. I'm always fighting within myself. My natural reaction is to feel really good about myself, you know? I feel validated, kinda special; and pride about my husband and two kids starts to lick at my feet like flames. Fame, however inconsequential, is an enemy to the Christian walk. See, you find yourself liking it, and wanting even more people to know who you are; your motives become indiscernible; you're driving in heavy rain without your wipers on. On the one hand, you desire to share your work; you genuinely want to encourage and bolster people's faith in God and glorify the Father in heaven. This is right. But I think it's foolish to deny the pride and self exaltation forever lurking in the shadows; hiding in the wings. Denying it means it continues to bind you in its alluring tentacles, and you see no reason to repent. The verse 'He must increase, but I must decrease' begins to be lived in reverse. This is a problem; a grave one.
In the "about me" section, I have a quote at the bottom by a Christian called John Newton. He says, "I thank the Lord if He makes my writings useful. I hope that they contain some of his truths; and truth like a torch ,may be seen by its own light, without reference to the hand that holds it."
That's my prayer for this series in particular; it's a sensitive one. Hopefully at the end of it, you'll have learnt two things: that the 'perfect Wambui' inadvertently presented in my writing at times is a phantom. And, most importantly I hope you learn about God and why He created marriage; what it really means. For this series I'm going to ask you guys to email me about experiences in your own marriage as we go along. I'm eager to learn from others wiser than myself, and if you allow me, I'll share your stories, changing your names for anonymity. Please share my blog widely; send to all your friends:
-To those considering marriage.
-To those skeptical about it because of the marriages they have been exposed to.
-To those already married, happily so or struggling significantly.
-To those who got burned by it and never want to look back.
I'd like very much to hear from you guys; whichever category above you fit into.
Lastly, you'll be hearing from my husband as well! He's agreed to contribute his side of things with the incredible gusto of a cat being thrown into a tub of water, LOL.
Well then *deep breath* here we go...
Keeping it short today.
In December, we remember.
We remember our wedding day. God has blessed us with 5 beautiful years now.
Our vows have been lived out in reverse. The worse came before the better. The poorer came before the richer. The sickness came before the health. Yet G0d has sustained our marriage, filling it with His peace and joy.
We remember our son, whom we never got to meet. He would have turned two this month. The grief, I'm not sure it will ever go. It feels like a tattoo on our hearts. But our experience of it changes slowly. This year I found myself grateful.
Grateful that the good Lord showed us great kindness in giving us a child. A child with eternity written on his heart, who I shall see and live with forever on that great day.
Grateful that He walked me through the valley of the shadow of death, bringing me safe into the light of His truth once again.
Grateful for the unspeakable love that grew between Bryan and I as we navigated the dark and frigid waters of grief.
I am most grateful for the deep knowledge of my Saviour that I now have. Nothing opens the eyes of your heart to the majesty, sovereignity and great love of God, like suffering does. I would never give this up, not for a moment.
In December we remember God becoming man. I have been speechless this year trying to thank God for His Son Jesus and His great sacrifice on the Cross, dying the death I deserved to die and ressurecting so that I may live in His ressurection, for all eternity with Him.
It's been a beautiful month for my husband as well, having being recognized as one of the top 40 under 40 businessmen in East Africa, two weeks before his 30th birthday. And finally, he joins me in the 30's...I've endured his cradle snatcher jokes for too long, LOL.
Happy Holidays guysThank you for the gift you have given me this year, reading what I write, sharing oyur experiences with me, and becoming my friends.
No longer will there be a curse upon anything. For the throne of God and of the Lamb will be there, and his servants will worship him. 4 And they will see his face, and his name will be written on their foreheads.5 And there will be no night there—no need for lamps or sun—for the Lord God will shine on them. And they will reign forever and ever.
Here's some of our wedding pictures 5 years ago.
(might need to copy-paste into your searchbar if it doesn't come up as a link.)
Christian, wife, mom, doctor, and an alien on earth, on my way to the city of God.